A change of pace (Week 37)

This week was much different from the past couple weeks. I decided this week that I was not going to just go, go, go. I wanted it to be a bit more laid back. So I focused more on the relationships with the kids and other volunteers. I helped my three kids from Mangwaneni sort out books for their classes. On Tuesday, I went to a sports day for some of the schools in the area. I got to watch some of our boys run! (They are crazy fast!) I spent some time with one of our volunteers who left this past Wednesday, which was nice to do before she headed home! Then, on Wednesday night, I got a call from Tenele, the 18 year old girl with a baby who is going to move into the girl's home when it opens. She told me she had a problem. Some guy had come into her house drug her into the woods to rape her but forgot a condom. He told her to stay there or he'd kill her, so while he was going to get the condom she ran away. There wasn't much I could do at 10pm at night for her. She told me her and Lucia, her daughter, were going to stay with a friend. So the next morning, I tried to phone her but it was off. So, I went to Mangwaneni to find her. When I found her, she told me more of what happened the night before. She shared that after the guy came to her, he went to her friend and ended up staying outside her door until 3am. I asked her if she wanted to report it to the police. She did. So, myself, Tenele, and her two friends went to the police station. They talked with a lady police, reported the man and were told to call the police if he showed up again. So prayers for Tenele's continued safety would be great. She needs this girl's home asap.But I know that God has his hand of protection over her.

Ayanda being awesome and cleaning the bathroom!

Speaking of the girl's home though. It looks like they have finally finished the renovations. There is outside work to be done but the inside is said to be done. I have gone and seen it and have seen just one or two things that need fixed and then everything needs cleaned really well. I was able to go with Ayanda, another girl who will move into the home, and do some cleaning this weekend but we need more people to get the job done quickly. We ordered bunk beds last week for the home and they are to be finished for this week. So hopefully, as I probably have said for the past few weeks, the home will be ready for girls to move in by the end of this week! I am getting tired of waiting and fighting for this to open. I just keep thinking how this home could've been opened so much sooner. I think I am feeling drained and overwhelmed with everything. But I think this past week was good to focus on some other things other than the home. It helped distract me from the stress of it all! So continued prayers for the home to open soon and for some extra energy and passion for me would be greatly appreciated! I want to be able to go into the home refreshed and ready to work with these girls. I want to be able to give them all that God has for me to give them!   

Is it done yet? (Week 36)

I had a very busy week this week, as the past few weeks have been, with trying to get the home up and running, while still doing my other duties. It has been a struggle the past few weeks with the girl's home almost being done but the workers taking their time finishing up! It's hard to buy furniture when you can't put it in the home until it's ready. Last Friday, we had gone to an auction and on Monday and Tuesday we went back because the guy in charge was giving us whatever was left over for free! So, we got plates, tea cups, computers, and other things to use in the girl's home and the boy's homes. It was a very generous donation from the Esibayeni Lodge (they were the ones who had the auction). Wednesday, the Volunteers and Father Larry, director of MYC, had a meeting about some challenges we have been facing. It has been a struggle for the volunteers to interact with the people in the office at MYC. We often have run into rude responses and have heard many things they have said behind our backs. There has been a huge lack of communication between the two of us. Personally, I don't have much of a problem as some of the others do but I have been on the receiving end of rudeness or people being stand offish towards me, even when I am super nice to them. Anyway, it was good for us volunteers to be able to express to Father Larry our concerns and frustrations with some of the staff at MYC. Father Larry was very understanding. It will be interesting to see how things change or if they change in the future.

The beginning of the week, was go, go, go and I was really pushing to find the furniture that we needed and get things going but my pushing was only hurting me and not helping. I was becoming more and more frustrated as the week went on because things weren't getting done and I was not doing what I wanted to be doing, which was buying the furniture and getting ready to move into the house. I feel like I have a million and one responsibilities, with buying the furniture, getting paperwork and such ready for when the girls move in, writing job descriptions, and still helping out some with the boys. I feel like I am the only one who cares if this home opens or not. (I know that is unfair of me to say because I do have some help here but in general I feel like I'm fighting this battle alone on Swazi soil!) Wednesday afternoon was my breaking point. I wanted to be searching for furniture but because of certain circumstances I couldn't right away and then when I finally was able to I was annoyed and didn't care to look at what was there. I decided that evening, that Thursday morning I needed to just relax some and take a breather. Me pushing to find the furniture and get things moving just wasn't working. So Thursday morning I took some time and relaxed, worked on some of the job descriptions for the staff of the girl's home and just spent some time alone which helped Thursday and Friday go much smoother then the beginning of the week. I wasn't forcing things to happen, I wasn't rushing things, I was just letting them happen and working not to stress about them. Because honestly, stressing about things doesn't help. By the end of the week, we have our bunk beds ordered and know where we need to go to purchase the other things we need once the home is ready! I felt much better by the time Friday rolled around. I really hope that the girl's home opens soon! I want these girls to have somewhere safe to stay but God's timing is perfect and when it is time the home will open!  

Week 35

This week I have been searching for furniture for the girl's home. Monday morning, we went and found a gas stove and freezer/fridge that will work well for the girl's home. (we are waiting to purchase them until they can be moved into the home though.) In the afternoon, we went on a home visit to one of our boys who had been really worrying that his family was okay. His dad had been beating his mom and little sister. It appeared that the father was no longer coming around the home and now they were just worried about money for food! It seemed like things were doing better than before as the boy had explained. We are going to follow up on the situation. Throughout the rest of the week I did some work for the girl's home, some paperwork for the girl's when they enter the home, rules, code of conduct, etc. On Wednesday, I also went and saw the home. It is looking really good! I am excited to see it this coming week and start being able to move things in! I think this is the week! As long as we get all the furniture we need. I think we could be in the home by the end of the week! But I'm going to take it one day at a time and see how things go! Thursday, I did some more furniture shopping and figuring out which deals are the best to buy. We also had a girl's home meeting in the morning. We had some different opinions on how the home should be staffed and who should be in those positions. So we had a meeting to discuss all of it. At first, it was a bit discouraging hearing what was said. To explain a little bit, I had wanted a house manager, house mother, and volunteer. So, when I leave in June there is more than one person left in the home. I had a house manager all lined up. She is a great worker, would have the home clean and the girl's taken care of and would do a great job at supervising the house mother. But, the office didn't want her in the home. I'm still not quite sure why? In our meeting I had some support from Michelle, the project manager and volunteer. We both fought to have the house manager in the home. I trust her and I wouldn't have felt comfortable with just the house mother. So, we compromised. They wanted to take the house mother from another home and we get to have our house manager! In the end everything worked out well. Friday, I spent all day at an auction run by some lodge near by. They had loads of stuff that we are able to use in the girl's home. We got sheets, blankets, silverware, plates, bowls, a table, love seats, etc. It was a long day but I finally feel like we are making some progress on things we are purchasing for the home! So, things are coming along well.  

( Most recent pictures of the home can be found on facebook)

The light at the end of the tunnel (week 34)

This past week was really busy, doing miscellaneous things. I paid for school fees, took kids to counseling, searched for furniture, went to renew my visa, and saw the girl’s home. The girl’s home is looking good. They have more painting to do and outside work but with the next week it should be done!  On Sunday, we went and bought some kitchen and bathroom things for the home. It was exciting to pick out everything and know this is going to happen soon. Now, our only challenge is staffing. There are some conflicting opinions on who should be in the home and how many people should be there. So, prayers for clarity and compromise on both sides are needed. I don’t want this challenge to delay the opening of the home. These girls need this home. 

Living Room 

Re-tiling of a room

I also, continue to struggle with the fact that I only have 3 months left. I want to get things done here but I can't help but think about what is waiting for me at home. I know that my heart should be here and be present because these girl's need me and it is here for the girls, but for everything else my heart is at home and I can tell that it is affecting my interactions. I know I'm going to go through a lot of change in the next couple months and my heart is starting to protect itself from the hurt and pain it may experience. But in doing that it takes away the joy I might find as well. So, I am struggling to fight the fear, my normal tendency to retreat when things get hard and change is coming but I have been really trying hard to break out of that pattern. I could really use prayers that I don't retreat, that I embrace the change and experience all that I should be! 

Close but not quite yet (Week 33)

Week 33, I can't believe I've been in Swaziland for 7 ½ months already! I feel like I still have so much to do and so little time to do it! But things are moving along...even it is slower than I would like. We are to be in the home by the end of February but I am trying not to get my hopes up. They have painting, re tiling of a small room and some of the bathroom to finish for the home to be ready. We started this week looking at a van to buy for the home and continue to look for the best price for furniture. It finally feels like this is going to happen.

As for other things this week, we had three new volunteers come to do internships, two from Finland and one from Belgium. They are all in the social welfare department. We had a meeting on Tuesday with the four of us and MYC's Social Welfare Department and basically they got pushed off to me to help them find something to do or they could help with the girl's home. But as I wrote above right now we are just buying furniture and I don't have much else for them to do. So, I went and told them that I don't have much for them to do and I feel bad having them not do anything. Plus, it's not my job. I'm a volunteer and I am working on the girl's home. They should be giving them something to do and showing them the project. If they were just volunteering it would be one thing but it's an internship for school. They need some direction and guidance. It is just another way for our social welfare department not to do anything and give their job to someone else so they don't have to be bothered with it. But that is a whole other story. So, much of this week was showing the new volunteers around and helping them figure out what they can do. It was nice to have some more people in the social welfare department for once.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about home and what I am going to do with my life after June 3, when I leave Swaziland. I am trying to stay focused on what is going on here but it continues to be a constant thought. I want to work with woman/young girls who have a rough background, etc.. similar to what I am doing here. God has really given me a passion to help girls like that. I'm excited to come home in 3 ½ months, but my job isn't done here and I am really going to miss the people here! I have 3 ½ months to continue this work here and let God use me however he will and I plan to let him do that!!!  

(picture to come of the home, my internet is being to slow to upload it at the moment! One thing I can't wait for when I get home....having internet that works and is fast!!!! ;))

NO EXPECTATIONS! (Week 32)

This week was actually a slow week! On Monday, I went and saw the girl's home thinking it was supposed to be done but it still hadn't been finished. So I was meant to spend all week buying furniture and such but was unable to do that because they hadn't finished the renovations. I didn't have many other things to do this week because I had planned on getting things for the girl's home. I was in the office a lot this week. On Friday, I found out that all that is left to do on the home is the bathrooms and the rest of the painting. I haven't seen the home since Monday so I will go this coming week and see how far they have gotten and see if what they say is true! It has been a rough few weeks! At first I was told that the home was going to open the end of January, then I heard the end of February, then I heard the first week in February, and now I have no idea how long it will take! I don't know what to believe and feeling like I want to be able to prepare myself mentally for when I have to move out and have some sort of time line of when things will happen and I don't have any of that. It's been hard this week with having such hopes that the home was going to be done then nothing. One thing we would say, when I was here in Swaziland in 2008, with a group of 20 other people, is to have NO EXPECTATIONS! I have been reminded of that phrase often here. I can't come here and expect things to happen how I think they should. Swaziland is much much different then Swaziland and I have learned to adapt and realize things are different, but there are times when I struggle with those differences and this is one of those times. I'm a pretty laid back person, says my mom. She shared with me something that struck me. She told me that it's kind of against my nature to feel how I'm feeling. She showed me how my passion for this home to be open is driving me to push things along where generally I am a laid back person and will let certain things just take their course. I hadn't really thought about it like that. I don't think I really realized how much I cared about these girls and giving them a safe place to live. I really only have 4 months left here and I know God's plan is right and good and whenever the home is too open God will provide, but I don't want to go home regretting my time here. I want to be able to say that I did everything I could to help along this process and give these girls a safe place to stay. God is good and will provide. He gave me this opportunity to do something for these girls and I don't want to disappoint him! I want to use my God given talents to honor and glorify Him in every way!  

Continually amazed by God (Week 31)

This week was much better than last week! It was a busy week! I did a lot of different things like working in the office, finishing up buying school shoes for the boys, and pricing furniture for the girl's home. On Tuesday, I got a call from Ayanda sharing that Johannes was upset and crying and she asked me to come to Mangwaneni. It's a 20 minute walk. So I walked there but by the time I got there Johannes had disappeared and we couldn't find him. So, later that night I got a call from him telling me he was fine but he wasn't at home. I talked with him later in the week and he shared that he was having some troubles at home. He was so terrified to tell me what had happened! I think it was the first time I felt like I was getting through to him though. He shared how he was feeling and what happened and I just told him that if he continues to run away from his problems it will end up hurting him in the long run. It was really cool to see him slowly open up to me and share what had happened. He doesn't trust anyone and I could see on his face how hurt he was and how much pain all this was causing him. He's a stubborn boy with a good heart. He just needs some encouragment to be open and trust. (Though, I totally understand why he doesn't trust anyone with everything he's gone through.)

On Thursday, I went and saw the girl's home and had asked earlier in the day if they would leave it unlocked for me so I could show my friend the home and take some pictures. Well, we get there and it's pouring rain and it's locked. You could kind of see inside the windows and such but it didn't look like much had been done in the past week, there was a hole in the ceiling. So, I decided I'd go the next morning and talk with the girl's home board about the renovations taking forever and maybe we should have another contractor come in to finish the job if they are going to take their time. I was going to bring up the fact that we now have 6 girls for the home and they should be in the home asap. I had a hard time sleeping because I was thinking about what I was going to say. The next morning I read this verse: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither be afraid.” John 14:27 It was just what I needed to hear. I was anxious about telling them what I was feeling. As I walked to the office I was prayed for peace, for God to be in control of the situation and it to go how he wanted it, not how I want it to go. I get to the office and in the doorway is Sister Judith, she is helping with the girl's home. She tells me that the workers are finishing up today and that on Monday we'll go see it and then start buying furniture! I was so shocked. It actually made me laugh a little because I was totally expecting to have to share how I was feeling and I was ready to defend these girls so the home would open asap. But God had everything planned. I just love how he works sometimes. Now, we will see how the home looks on Monday and if it's ready but I am trusting that God has everything under control and I don't need worry about anything! I would appreciate prayers for the home to be done and furniture to be bought next week so that within the week/week and a half these girls can move into the home!