The light at the end of the tunnel (week 34)

This past week was really busy, doing miscellaneous things. I paid for school fees, took kids to counseling, searched for furniture, went to renew my visa, and saw the girl’s home. The girl’s home is looking good. They have more painting to do and outside work but with the next week it should be done!  On Sunday, we went and bought some kitchen and bathroom things for the home. It was exciting to pick out everything and know this is going to happen soon. Now, our only challenge is staffing. There are some conflicting opinions on who should be in the home and how many people should be there. So, prayers for clarity and compromise on both sides are needed. I don’t want this challenge to delay the opening of the home. These girls need this home. 

Living Room 

Re-tiling of a room

I also, continue to struggle with the fact that I only have 3 months left. I want to get things done here but I can't help but think about what is waiting for me at home. I know that my heart should be here and be present because these girl's need me and it is here for the girls, but for everything else my heart is at home and I can tell that it is affecting my interactions. I know I'm going to go through a lot of change in the next couple months and my heart is starting to protect itself from the hurt and pain it may experience. But in doing that it takes away the joy I might find as well. So, I am struggling to fight the fear, my normal tendency to retreat when things get hard and change is coming but I have been really trying hard to break out of that pattern. I could really use prayers that I don't retreat, that I embrace the change and experience all that I should be! 

Close but not quite yet (Week 33)

Week 33, I can't believe I've been in Swaziland for 7 ½ months already! I feel like I still have so much to do and so little time to do it! But things are moving along...even it is slower than I would like. We are to be in the home by the end of February but I am trying not to get my hopes up. They have painting, re tiling of a small room and some of the bathroom to finish for the home to be ready. We started this week looking at a van to buy for the home and continue to look for the best price for furniture. It finally feels like this is going to happen.

As for other things this week, we had three new volunteers come to do internships, two from Finland and one from Belgium. They are all in the social welfare department. We had a meeting on Tuesday with the four of us and MYC's Social Welfare Department and basically they got pushed off to me to help them find something to do or they could help with the girl's home. But as I wrote above right now we are just buying furniture and I don't have much else for them to do. So, I went and told them that I don't have much for them to do and I feel bad having them not do anything. Plus, it's not my job. I'm a volunteer and I am working on the girl's home. They should be giving them something to do and showing them the project. If they were just volunteering it would be one thing but it's an internship for school. They need some direction and guidance. It is just another way for our social welfare department not to do anything and give their job to someone else so they don't have to be bothered with it. But that is a whole other story. So, much of this week was showing the new volunteers around and helping them figure out what they can do. It was nice to have some more people in the social welfare department for once.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about home and what I am going to do with my life after June 3, when I leave Swaziland. I am trying to stay focused on what is going on here but it continues to be a constant thought. I want to work with woman/young girls who have a rough background, etc.. similar to what I am doing here. God has really given me a passion to help girls like that. I'm excited to come home in 3 ½ months, but my job isn't done here and I am really going to miss the people here! I have 3 ½ months to continue this work here and let God use me however he will and I plan to let him do that!!!  

(picture to come of the home, my internet is being to slow to upload it at the moment! One thing I can't wait for when I get home....having internet that works and is fast!!!! ;))

NO EXPECTATIONS! (Week 32)

This week was actually a slow week! On Monday, I went and saw the girl's home thinking it was supposed to be done but it still hadn't been finished. So I was meant to spend all week buying furniture and such but was unable to do that because they hadn't finished the renovations. I didn't have many other things to do this week because I had planned on getting things for the girl's home. I was in the office a lot this week. On Friday, I found out that all that is left to do on the home is the bathrooms and the rest of the painting. I haven't seen the home since Monday so I will go this coming week and see how far they have gotten and see if what they say is true! It has been a rough few weeks! At first I was told that the home was going to open the end of January, then I heard the end of February, then I heard the first week in February, and now I have no idea how long it will take! I don't know what to believe and feeling like I want to be able to prepare myself mentally for when I have to move out and have some sort of time line of when things will happen and I don't have any of that. It's been hard this week with having such hopes that the home was going to be done then nothing. One thing we would say, when I was here in Swaziland in 2008, with a group of 20 other people, is to have NO EXPECTATIONS! I have been reminded of that phrase often here. I can't come here and expect things to happen how I think they should. Swaziland is much much different then Swaziland and I have learned to adapt and realize things are different, but there are times when I struggle with those differences and this is one of those times. I'm a pretty laid back person, says my mom. She shared with me something that struck me. She told me that it's kind of against my nature to feel how I'm feeling. She showed me how my passion for this home to be open is driving me to push things along where generally I am a laid back person and will let certain things just take their course. I hadn't really thought about it like that. I don't think I really realized how much I cared about these girls and giving them a safe place to live. I really only have 4 months left here and I know God's plan is right and good and whenever the home is too open God will provide, but I don't want to go home regretting my time here. I want to be able to say that I did everything I could to help along this process and give these girls a safe place to stay. God is good and will provide. He gave me this opportunity to do something for these girls and I don't want to disappoint him! I want to use my God given talents to honor and glorify Him in every way!  

Continually amazed by God (Week 31)

This week was much better than last week! It was a busy week! I did a lot of different things like working in the office, finishing up buying school shoes for the boys, and pricing furniture for the girl's home. On Tuesday, I got a call from Ayanda sharing that Johannes was upset and crying and she asked me to come to Mangwaneni. It's a 20 minute walk. So I walked there but by the time I got there Johannes had disappeared and we couldn't find him. So, later that night I got a call from him telling me he was fine but he wasn't at home. I talked with him later in the week and he shared that he was having some troubles at home. He was so terrified to tell me what had happened! I think it was the first time I felt like I was getting through to him though. He shared how he was feeling and what happened and I just told him that if he continues to run away from his problems it will end up hurting him in the long run. It was really cool to see him slowly open up to me and share what had happened. He doesn't trust anyone and I could see on his face how hurt he was and how much pain all this was causing him. He's a stubborn boy with a good heart. He just needs some encouragment to be open and trust. (Though, I totally understand why he doesn't trust anyone with everything he's gone through.)

On Thursday, I went and saw the girl's home and had asked earlier in the day if they would leave it unlocked for me so I could show my friend the home and take some pictures. Well, we get there and it's pouring rain and it's locked. You could kind of see inside the windows and such but it didn't look like much had been done in the past week, there was a hole in the ceiling. So, I decided I'd go the next morning and talk with the girl's home board about the renovations taking forever and maybe we should have another contractor come in to finish the job if they are going to take their time. I was going to bring up the fact that we now have 6 girls for the home and they should be in the home asap. I had a hard time sleeping because I was thinking about what I was going to say. The next morning I read this verse: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither be afraid.” John 14:27 It was just what I needed to hear. I was anxious about telling them what I was feeling. As I walked to the office I was prayed for peace, for God to be in control of the situation and it to go how he wanted it, not how I want it to go. I get to the office and in the doorway is Sister Judith, she is helping with the girl's home. She tells me that the workers are finishing up today and that on Monday we'll go see it and then start buying furniture! I was so shocked. It actually made me laugh a little because I was totally expecting to have to share how I was feeling and I was ready to defend these girls so the home would open asap. But God had everything planned. I just love how he works sometimes. Now, we will see how the home looks on Monday and if it's ready but I am trusting that God has everything under control and I don't need worry about anything! I would appreciate prayers for the home to be done and furniture to be bought next week so that within the week/week and a half these girls can move into the home!