Goodbyes, hellos, and many more tomorrows

Hey All, sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks! I think the thought of writing out my last week in Swaziland and my return home would make me start to process my year there and really realize what I left there. My last week was not the way I thought it would have gone. It went fast, it was busy and I felt like I was trying to fit everything in and there just wasn't enough time to get everything done! Luckily I had a lovely person taking over that eased my leaving a bit. But saying goodbye to the girls was not fun at all and as everything else this past year didn't go as planned. I had planned to be at the home right after the girls got home from school...which I did. One of my girls unfortunately was sick and needed to go to the doctors. So instead of being able to spend 2-3 hours with them before I left I really only got to spend 30 mins to an hour with them. Then, I had to leave, take her to the doctor with Titi, who took my place in the transition between when I left and the next year long volunteer came. After dropping them off at the doctors, I went and said good bye to the boy's homes and heading to the volunteer house to get ready for my last weekend in Swaziland. I spent my last weekend at a music festival called bushfire, with the other volunteers and some Swazi friends. I really enjoyed the weekend and enjoyed spending it with my friends I had made over the year I had been there! It was a good way to end my time in Swaziland. Saying goodbye to everyone there was hard! I hate goodbyes!

So June 3, I got up and took the shuttle at 7 am to the airport. Got to the airport at about 12 pm. Sat around the airport for 6 hours before my flight took off. Took a 10 hour flight to Turkey, had a 2 hour layover, then a 11 hour flight to New York. I landed on Tuesday morning at about 11:20, got through customs much faster than I thought I would and was out by 1145. Waited about an hour for my family and Dustin to get there. It was so great to see them! I don't know how to describe the feeling but it was great being able to see them in person after not seeing them for a year! Then, took a 2 1/2 hour ride home and had a lovely dinner with my family and Dustin's family.

It was a weird feeling being home. It felt completely normal but not at the same time. It's been two weeks since I left Swaziland. I feel like I've been nonstop since then. Seeing and visiting with people and going and doing things, etc. I feel like I haven't had a chance to sit and think about what happens now that I'm home. I am sure I've had times where I could have done that but I've been avoiding it. I felt so purposeful in Swaziland and I'm feeling really purposeless here. I know God has a plan for me now, here in the United States, but I don't know what it is, it's been silent. I think I've been filling my days with other things and haven't taken the time to listen. I'm scared of what he might want me to do. Then, I think of the past year and think what can be more scary then that? haha It feels a bit ridiculous to be afraid after spending the year in Swaziland, Africa. So I just ask for prayers for me to continue to trust God here just like in Swaziland. I know his plan is perfect!

He's taught me so much in my year and I know I'm a changed person because of it! I pray that I stay changed. I'm more confident in who I am in him and more open to his love and sharing his love. I pray he can continue to use me as he used me in Swaziland. I pray that he will continue to be with those girl's and they will continue to feel his love. There is a team from Hosea's Heart Inc. leaving next week (around the 26) to spend a month in Swaziland and the next year long volunteer will be heading over then as well. I pray for safety in their travels and that God would use them to touch the lives of those in Swaziland! I pray that they will show God's love to each person they encounter! I pray that God will guide them in each step they take because God's plan is perfect!

One week to go....Week 47

I can't believe I now only have one week left in Swaziland. This past week was a good week. I did a lot of preparing notes and the files of the girls for our next year long volunteer. I am starting to realize that next week I am heading home and it has given me more of an appreciation for the time that I have with the girls, the other volunteers, etc. I am definitely taking everything in and trying to enjoy the last days I have here. I mean I am really excited to come home and see everyone. But it is definitely a bittersweet feeling. I spent a whole year with these people. They are my second family and it will be hard to leave them!
 The girls are doing well. They started back to school this week and I think it is good for them to get back into the swing of things and it gives them something to do. Things with Tenele are going well. She went to visit her mother this weekend. So it could be the start of rebuilding their relationship. I had a few struggles with our young girl, Sindi, 9 years old. She is learning to follow rules and know her boundaries. I think she didn't have any of that in her life and it is a struggle everyday for her to follow rules and listen! She has definitely tested my patience and I am learning to love her even though she pushes my buttons. Actually, I have really been relying on my past training to work with her on her behavior! It is challenging but I know she doesn't know any better and this whole thing of rules and boundaries and personal space is all very new to her. It is definitely making me grow too. I have one week left and feel like I have a lot to do but am hoping to enjoy my time here before I head home. Prayers for a good last week and a smooth transition for when I come home and for the girls as I leave would be great!

God takes care of his children! (Week 46)

Tenele's story continues. I've written in past blogs about Tenele, but in case you've missed out on them, I will recap. She is one of the girl's in the home, who's had a rough life. She has a child who is almost 18 months and after moving into the girl's home we found out she is pregnant again. The initial reaction from Manzini Youth Care (MYC) is that she can't stay in the home with the baby, meaning she can't stay in the home. The suggestion was that she move home with her mother. So, this week we've had 3 meetings. The first was with the counselor that Tenele has been going to see. She shared that it would be destructive to Tenele's emotional and mental state to send her home. She didn't grow up with her mother and she isn't used to the life out in the rural areas where her mother lives. We concluded that she wouldn't stay with her mother but we needed to talk with the mother and set up a meeting to discuss possibilities of other relatives or what could be done to help Tenele. After this meeting, I was feeling very discouraged and upset about the situation and how it was being handled. There was no compassion in the decisions being made. So, I decided the only thing I could do was pray for God to soften their hearts. That God would make Tenele's situation very real to them. I prayed they would feel the pain and rejection that Tenele felt. The next day we had a meeting with the girl's home board and discussed more the possibilities of what could be options for Tenele. I felt a little better after this meeting, knowing that they weren't going to send Tenele home and I started to see compassion and concern for Tenele. God was truly working through this whole situation. So I continued to pray. So, then on Friday the mother came to MYC. We had the counselor and a Swazi from MYC meet with her. It went very well. God was definitely present in this meeting. I learned the other side of the story from the mother and we finally came up with a plan that seems to be the best for the situation. Tenele will stay in the girl's home until she has the baby. She will then go to a shelter who helps mother's and their children. She can stay there for 6 months. It will give her the guidance and help she needs to be a good parent. After the six months, the mother has agreed to take Tenele's newborn baby and Tenele and her child now, Lucia, can return to the girl's home! The plan obviously wasn't what I had thought but I think it's the best plan for her. I think she needs guidance and direction in her parenting. She is young and it will be good to be with other mother's in similar situations. She can then come back to the girl's home, go to school, and work to create a life for her children. God was in this situation, he had everything under control. There were many things through out this decision making period that worried me and I was very nervous for Tenele's future but I just had to keep reminding myself that God is in control and he will redeem his children! He will take care of them. I just need to be willing to do and go wherever he calls me!

Week 45....3 weeks until home...bittersweet feelings!

This was the girl's second week off school. We didn't have the holiday program so they had to find some things to do. On Monday, Jan and Julius, the two german volunteers, came and worked on the garden with them. They finished planting their first vegetables and I think they are very proud! It will be awesome when they will be able to harvest them. They won't have to buy them at the store or the market, they can just go out to the side yard and pick their vegetables. Also, we played some games, which was a lot of fun! Then on Tuesday, Riita, a finish volunteer, came and spent the night with the girls. The girls loved this. Riita taught them how to crochet and did their nails. They had a great time! Wednesday was a relaxed day, they didn't do too much. I had a meeting with some people at MYC about what is going to happen when I leave and before the next volunteer comes. It went well for the most part but there is still a struggle with what to do with Tenele. She is due in June after I leave and before Mary-Kate and the group come at the end of June. We are having a meeting this coming week with the counselor to see what we can do. The whole situation is really wearing on me and I am so tired of fighting with them. When Riita stayed over she asked me the next morning if I knew I grind my teeth. I never have done that in the past and I think the stress of this situation and what's at stake for Tenele is really getting to me. I just continue to pray that God will work things out! I am working to trust him and give him all my burdens and stress! It's a work in progress!
Then, Thursday I was at the volunteer house because it was Riita's last day before returning home. We had a nice dinner for her. On Friday, a few girls went to counseling in the morning and then in the afternoon, Titi, a Swazi friend I met the first time I was here, came and visited the girls for the afternoon. It was nice to have her there and she may in the future help out more in the transition of volunteers! So overall, the week has been good for the girls and they are enjoying each others company and really becoming a family! I love being apart of their lives and will really miss them when I leave in 3 weeks. 3 weeks! I can't believe it's that close. It still feels so far away but I know time will go so fast! I think that is another reason I am feeling stressed because I know that I only have 3 weeks to do all that I need to do before I leave! But I know God is faithful and everything will go the way he has planned it. I just have to remember to trust his plan not mine. 

One Month to go (Week 44)

This week was a pretty simple week. The girl's were off school and we had the holiday program for them to go to. They could do art, watch movies, play games, etc. It was a long week for me though. I spent most of the days with the kids and then had to go home and not have much down time to myself. I really realized the importance of my alone time to recover and re energize. Also, this week I struggled with feeling alone at the home and realized it more than the past weeks how isolating it can be. There were a few arguements between the girls this week and I could tell they were arguing but it was in Siswati so I wasn't completely sure what was going on and it took forever for them to tell me what was going on. It was really frustrating because I wanted to be able to help them solve it because it wasn't happening on their own and no one would explain the problem. I haven't minded them all speaking in Siswati before when things are good and they are joking. It's been good to hear them laughing and having a good time but when they are fighting and it continues without  resolve, I just felt really helpless and very much an outsider. It has been a rough week emotionally for me I think, with feeling like an outsider and knowing I only have a month left. I am really anxious to come home and see what God has for me at home. I've been thinking a lot about what I am going to do when I get home and I have all these different ideas but I know I need to just trust God and for the time being be focused here in Swaziland. I only have 4 weeks left and need to put all my effort into these girls and helping them to continue to adjust to living with each other and to help with the transition from when I leave to when the next volunteer comes. I know God continues to have things in his control but it is hard to let go and let him work (no matter how many times I have to let go of something it's never easy). But God will work everything out just how it was meant to be. And I am trusting in him to do so!

Our God Redeems! (Week 43)

On Monday, I had a meeting with some MYC staff and trustees of the girl's home board about Tenele. It was found out that Tenele is again pregnant. She was taking to the clinic and found out that she was 7 months pregnant and due in June! So, in the meeting we discussed the ramifications of how that would effect the home and what would need to be done. It was suggested that Tenele go and talk with a counselor about being pregnant again and her life and the possibility of living with her mother again, which she does not have a good relationship with. I'm still not sure how I feel about this idea but I took Tenele on Friday to see the counselor and the counselor shared that Tenele blames herself for everything that has happened in her life. She said her mother doesn't love her and she really has no self worth. She has a lot of bitterness towards her mom and it will probably take some time to work through that. My heart breaks for her. She is a beautiful girl and has a beautiful heart. She knows God loves her but now she needs to let go of the shame and blame from her past! It's a hard thing to do but God is a God of grace and love and mercy and redemption! I have great faith that he will Redeem her! God is in control and I feel very at peace about the situation, knowing God has a plan. So I would just ask for prayers for Tenele as she goes through this next phase in life and that she would feel the love and support around her.
On another note, the girls ended school this week and on Thursday, we got to take them and some other kids from MYC to Mlilwane, to swim and play and have some lunch. They had a good time and I felt like it was a nice way to end the term for the girls. They have 3 weeks off of school so it will be interesting to see how they do living with each other and being together a lot of the time. Luckily, two of the weeks there will be a holiday program through MYC and they will be able to play games, do art, etc. I'm excited to enjoy the last few weeks I have with the girls before I head home at the beginning of June!

Week 1 of the Litsemba Lemphilo (Hope for life) home (Week 42 overall)

The home has now been open for a week! I started to feel much better midweek about being in the home and adjusting to living with the girls! The girl's are loving it and enjoying their time together. But, of course, they are girls and have had their arguments amongst themselves, which is normal. Things were going well up until Thursday when their was a concern from the office. Two of the office staff went up to the home and found Tenele and Lucia, her baby, in the home. They called me and were upset that they had not been informed of her staying there. I shared that I had gone through the proper channels as they had told me to do. I went through our Social Welfare Department and the Department in Manzini. They raised a lot of concerns and I shared that I did not agree with them and believed that she was exactly the kind of girl we should be helping. They had some other concerns which were discussed and now we have to have a meeting next week with some of the board. So, Thursday was an emotional day for me! Actually, I was really upset. Tenele has been through so much and this could potentially be another thing to go wrong in her life. On Friday, I had individual meetings with the girls to see how things were going and ask them some questions. I asked Tenele what her goal in life was and she told me her life was a mess, it was nothing, that she had no goal. It broke my heart. This girl, needs this home, the love of Christ. We were called to help the broken and hurting. She is broken, she is hurt! She needs to know that God loves her and that she can have a goal. And Mary-Kate can attest to this, Tenele has felt God's love and has changed in so many ways and I know whatever happens God is in control! He will take care of her so my prayer is that God will work everything out and this won't be an issue! I pray our meeting this next week goes smoothly! I seriously, felt like my feet were just swept up from under me on Thursday morning. Things had been going well the home was finished and we were all starting to adjust to living together. It was like things were too good and something had to be disturbed. (Side note: Tenele doesn't know anything about the situation, which I think for now is good!) But I know God is in control and I am trusting Him to walk me through this time, especially as I get ready to leave and head home in 6 weeks.
On Friday, however, was a holiday, the King's birthday. We spent the time at home and it was nice to hang out with the girls, watch movies, play games, dance, etc. I had a really good time with them and enjoyed the day. It was a much better day then the day before. It nice to be reminded why you are doing what you are doing. These girl's are great and I see great potential in them. God is going to do great things in their lives! Yebo Jesu!!!!
(Pictures to come soon hopefully!)